text message to Tony

[sleight_of_hands]

 Are you busy?

Comments

[the_next_mission]

i won't be as soon as i shower off the smell of burnt metal. been soddering. ten minutes?

[sleight_of_hands]

Yeah, sure.

[the_next_mission]

[Ten minutes later, true to his word, Tony is padding around his spacious apartment on his floor of Stark Tower in loose pants and a lab t-shirt, meaning there's a hole cut out for the reactor to fit through, complete with a towel over his head to dry his still wet hair.]

Han?! You around?!

[sleight_of_hands]

[Hanna was sitting on a stool at the bar, twisting back and forth slightly as she fidgeted with the long sleeves of her shirt. Looking up, she looked...anxious as she watched him approach.]

I'm here.

[the_next_mission]

[Spotting her, he perked up as he walked towards her, but his cheerful mood slowly fades as he drew nearer, seeing her disquiet.]

Cool! Cause I kinda wanted to talk to you. I had this thought...which...is clearly more fun than whatever you're sharing. What's wrong?

[sleight_of_hands]

[She balanced her weight on her hands which were settled on the edge of the stool between her legs. Shaking her head, she tried to smile.]

No, you go first. Though if it's you trying to convince me to like anchovies, you might as well forever it now.

[the_next_mission]

[Shaking his head, Tony moved to stand between her legs, rubbing his hands up and down her arms as he watched her with guarded, concerned features.]

I said you first, I always get what I want, remember? C'mon, what's wrong? Can I help?

[sleight_of_hands]

[Tilts her head, giving him a bit of a look as she wrinkles her nose at him.]

I'm not going to tell you anything now till you go first.

[the_next_mission]

[Tony narrows his eyes at her, but finally relents with a mock aloof look that melts into a strange little smile]

This is probably gonna sound insane, and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't run screaming from the room, 'cause that would be a huge blow to my ego, but...

[Levels his gaze at her]

I wanna have kids. A kid. Just one...batch, seeing as how you have twin brothers, I know it's genetically possible...you know what I mean.

[sleight_of_hands]

[Well then.

At this moment he could probably knock her over with a feather because that was probably about the last thing she would have expected and she continues to blink at him while trying to process...that.]

You want to have a kid? With me?

[the_next_mission]

Only if you wanna have a kid with me, 'cause it's kind of a team effort and all.

[sleight_of_hands]

Well, yeah.

But it's not an experiment or anything, Tony. A kid is a full time sort of job, especially a baby. I know some of this has to do with Brooklyn but our kid wouldn't be like that for a few years...

[the_next_mission]

I know. And I'm not saying that I wouldn't fall down on the job a lot at the start, because...I don't have any idea what to do with a baby. But that's the thing, you know how it is with Brookie. We all sort of...do the stuff, you know? I'll need help. And I'll have it. So...I won't be perfect, but nobody will let me mess up enough to hurt it, and when they're older? I will be, hands down, Father of the Year because my dad seriously botched that. So did whoever had Brookie the first time around, I won't let that happen.

[sleight_of_hands]

[She wets her lips as she rubs her hands over her knees, listening to him as he tries to convince her. It's not a real good sell at first but he's being honest and she can appreciate that.]

Look, I know you'll be a good Dad, okay? I mean, I'll probably get frustrated with you and I'll do some definite smacks upside the head when I need you to pull more weight but...

You're sure? It's a really big commitment, Tony. [Looks up at him again]

[the_next_mission]

Yeah, I, uh...I get big commitment. [Clearly without thinking, he reaches up absently and taps the ARC reactor glowing freely with restless fingers.] Believe me, it's part of the job description.

[sleight_of_hands]

[Looks at the ARC reactor before glancing up] What do you mean?

[the_next_mission]

Iron Man. Being a superhero...fixing my mistakes. [He pauses, his expression growing a little distant with thought and with memory] Probably the first real commitment I've ever made in my life.

[sleight_of_hands]

[Reaches out, brushing her fingers over his as she nods] I know.

[the_next_mission]

[Smiles just a little, lifting his hand to twine his fingers through hers]

So think about it. I mean...it's a baby, and God knows we spend enough time trying. [nods at her] What was your news?

[sleight_of_hands]

Tony, I'm not against having a baby with you. [Smiles a little, then shrugs] I could just...go off the pill and see what happens. Like you said, we spend enough time trying.

[Sobers then, suddenly looking guilty.]

I got a call from the main man. They're uh...my test has been arranged. To pledge the Fraternity.

[the_next_mission]

[Sobers himself, because she's told him about this before, and he sort of understands what's going on. Sniffing, he nods, features inscrutable as he avoids meeting her gaze for a second.]

Okay. Cool. So...I can come, right? I mean, I did...you guys...human heroes, right? We're like celebrities to your kind, I can get a VIP pass to the...test?

[sleight_of_hands]

No. [Draws in a breath, knowing full well he's going to argue this point.]

No family and no boyfriends. Definitely not superhero boyfriends who would jump in if they saw something going wrong.

[the_next_mission]

That's what they do then? If you fail, you really just...die, they let you do that? Your own brothers are letting you do this crap, what the hell is wrong with Mike? I thought he was against this? [It's pretty clear that the quiet anger in Tony's voice is borne of something a little like panic, but Tony Stark doesn't panic so it's not panic...and yet.]

[sleight_of_hands]

He is, that hasn't changed. [She can sense the panic that's running through him and it worries her. At one time she had been completely sure of taking the pledge but now she was worried because now there was more for her to lose too, especially now.] That's why he won't be allowed to be there either.

[the_next_mission]

[...okay, Tony may now be panicking just a little, because his girlfriend is going to willingly put her life at risk and he can't help her. No one can. His entire face registers raw fear, then rage, then shuts down completely in a split second before he speaks, his voice nearly a whisper.]

This? Is horseshit.

[sleight_of_hands]

[Reaches out to capture his hands in her own again, clinging slightly as she looks up at him.]

I won't be totally alone, Tommy will be there and so will Chan. Probably a couple other people...

[But they won't step in, it's not their place to. She's just praying Tony won't ask what she has to do.]

[the_next_mission]

[He doesn't hold her hands back, his fingers warm and limp in hers as he stares hard into her face, his own still closed off with the tempest of emotion he's fighting back.]

What are they gonna make you do? You're an angel, right? You're like a demigoddess, it can't be that bad. Not like you can't just...magic out of it, right?

[sleight_of_hands]

[Gives him a bit of a look as he pretty much reads her mind and asks what she has to do, looking down.]

I have to use my weakest power to pass the trial.

[the_next_mission]

[Tony just nods, but yeah: the mask is cracking, and he's NOT FUCKING HAPPY.]

Great. Just...great, that's awesome.

[sleight_of_hands]

Look, I know it's scary, okay? But I'll be fine, I'll pass the test. [She needs him to believe that as she squeezes his fingers]

[the_next_mission]

Yeah. Sure. Losing my best friend and my girlfriend in the same week, this is gonna be...just...fine.

[There's a lot of venom and bitterness in his tone, but as he's taken to doing, even though she's the one causing him pain he turns to her, tugging her in and wrapping his arms around her so he can bury his face against the top of her head...as if he can protect her by holding her tight enough, cover enough of her to shield her from herself. He holds her, and he hangs on for dear life, because he has to: when he's suffering, she's the only place he has left to hide.]

[sleight_of_hands]

[She lets go of his hands so she can wrap her arms around his middle, pressing her cheek against his chest as she closes her eyes.]

This is who I am. I was born to be this just like you were born to be Iron Man. [She's talking very quietly but she understands how he feels because it's her own worry every time he goes out to fight without her.]

If I could skip the test I would but.....

[the_next_mission]

[He tightens his arms around her, because he understands...and this is why he loves her: because they're both broken in the same exact place, and because of that she understands why he does this...and he hates that he understands the same is true for her.]

There is nothing except this. There's the next mission, and nothing else.

[sleight_of_hands]

I'm going to come back, okay? I'm going to come home to you and I'll be here every night you need me, okay? [She closes her eyes, pleading silently that he believes her.]

Then we'll have a kid. I'm hoping for a little boy that looks like you.

[the_next_mission]

[Tony shakes his head, still holding her, face still pressed against the top of her head.]

Nnnnn. Blonde girl. Your nose, my eyes, can't go wrong.

[sleight_of_hands]

No way, a little boy with your hair and maybe my eyes. [Smirks faintly]